Things you can do in video games that I wish you could do in real life.

Punch/stab/strangle/shoot a really annoying NPC, and then reload to right before you did. You still have the satisfaction, but no ramifications.

Being able to load a previous save before you did/said something stupid.

Being able to reload to a previous save because you know what is going to happen, and you can avoid it if it is unpleasant.

Remove a ladder from the swimming pool and watch the stupid people slowly drown because they can't figure out how to get out of the pool, cause reasons.

One word: Motherload, and then lots of !!!!!!!

If you find a glitch that gives you free money, you can exploit it until they release a patch.

You can have a collection of lunch boxes and no one looks at you funny.

Don't like your house? Tear it down and build a new one in just a few hours.

Christians, Buddhists, and Atheists, OH MY! or; My religious road trip. Part 2

So, graduated the hell hole. Decided to distance myself from everything and everyone from school, save a select few. 

Writer's Note
***The views in this post do not represent how I feel about all religious/christian/ believers. This is just my experience with religion, and why I hate it. Unless you start thumping my head with a bible, we will do just fine. KTHXBAI***

My boyfriend at that time started to get sucked into church, and convinced me to go.

I went for a few times, but decided, again, it wasn't for me. He then threatened to break up with me. Since we had been dating for a couple years, and I had SEVERE body image issues, I started going on a regular basis. 

I started to get sucked in as well. After being an outcast for so long, it felt good to have somewhere people accepted me. Which is why I stayed, and became the type of person I hate.  

 After they removed my brain, let it soak for several hours, they put it back, and I was born again. I got baptized, I would hide witness cards, I preached, and I judged. I became the bible thumper, I became the one who would try to sneak pocket bibles into the pockets of those I thought needed saving, I became the one than condemned the 'sinners' to hell.





I was even trying to preach to my sister (which is a horrible idea because she is several years older than me, cause she has also read the bible and can start spitting right back). 

Thankfully, this was the shortest phase of my life.  Only lasting from 18 until about 23. 
I had met my now husband a year before. I started to see what I had become, and I hated myself for it. I slowing started to fall out of love with religion. 
To steal a line from "The Fault in our Stars" (LOVE THAT BOOK) it happened slowing, and then all at once. I started questioning things, a dangerous thing to do if you want to stay in the religion bubble. Things that had happened to me made me start to lose my faith, why would something so horrible happen to someone who was so devoted?
Then one day I just didn't believe anymore.  That was my real 'born again' day, because it felt amazing. I could be me. 

I became introduced to Buddhism through my Sensei in my martial arts school. 
I loved the altruistic views and non-judgmental feel. I still consider myself atheist, but I definitely follow some of the Buddhist views and ways of life.  
I will trust you until you give me a reason not to, I will love you until you give me a reason not to, and I will respect you until you give me a reason not to. 

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.- Buddha

Christians, Buddhists, and Atheists, OH MY! or; My religious road trip. Part 1.

   They say everyone is born an atheist, since babies have absolutely no concept of religion or faith. They know you'll feed them, hold them when they cry, etc, but they don't have the capability of believing in a invisible being that lives in the clouds. 

So, when I was born, I was an atheist. This is how I got back to my roots. 

I was born in 1983 to not very religious parents. In fact, I don't remember being taught anything about god or Jesus until I went with one of my friends to church when I was around 5ish. After that, I saw religion as something someone else does. The buildings were pretty, the people seemed nice, but the clothes you had to wear were uncomfortable. (I hated dresses)

Fast forward a few years, I think I was about 9, my sister came out as a Wiccan. After reading some of her books and talking to her, I thought it was pretty cool to worship nature (I spent almost all my time outdoors anyway). So I decided to become Wiccan. 

I remember I was at a party with my parents, and one of my moms friends asked what church we went to, or something of the sort, and I responded with 'Oh, I don't believe in god'. 

After we got home my mom took me aside and said "I don't care if you say you believe in magic, but I never want to hear you say you don't believe in God."

I just stood there speechless. I was never even told about religion from what I could remember, we never went to church unless is was with cousins or uncles, so why was this such a big deal? Since she never said anything else after that, I figured it wasn't that important. Still, I began keeping my beliefs to myself. Until high school...or hell, as I like to call it. 

I was invited to a bible study group, and I politely declined. When asked why, I simply said "I'm not christian". Not a very smart thing to do when you grow up in the rural bible thumping corn-hole I did. Everyone immediately started asking what I was,

 "Mormon? Jew? Jehovah's Witness??" because surely, if I didn't identify as Christian, then obviously I was another monotheistic religion. While I'm sure I could have made my life a little easier, and had fewer death threats, if I had just laughed and said i was kidding, Since that wasn't (and still isn't) my style, I told the truth. 

"I'm not Christian, because I don't believe in god, I'm wiccan, which means I find comfort in the earth." Note: This phrase is the quickest way to be immediately shunned by pretty much the whole freaking town. Seriously.

The backlash of this statement included being tripped in the hallways (a couple times down the stairs) being spit on, called some very inventive names, and having others kids trying to sneak bibles into my backpack. Once I had a very, VERY Christian girl befriend me, I thought maybe I could turn everyone around if they saw how nice I was. She wanted to borrow my numerology books, so she could try to understand what I saw in it. "Of course!" I said, and eagerly handed them to her. After a few days she gave them back, and proceeded to completely ignore me. Completely frustrated and confused I went back to my schoolwork. At lunch I decided to read one of my books, since one of my friends wanted me to do a reading for her. Written on almost every page were bible verses, phrases about how if I gave my soul to Jesus I could still be saved, the devil has a tight grip on me and only God can release me from those chains. Now, I had trust issues for awhile after this, because I fully understood why she had tried to be friendly to me. 

I went to the teacher and told her what had happened, who sent me to the principal. His response was "Well, you shouldn't have let her have them." 

I shit you not. He also made a mention of how you could still read the pages, and since it was written in pencil I could just erase it. He completely disregarded the fact that my property had been vandalized. I wish I could say that this was the extent of the discrimination I had to face, but we all know better that that. 

Now, I had never been a straight A student, but I had always gotten A's in English, until Junior year. Apparently my teacher was a devote christian, and that was the ONLY English class I have ever failed. She didn't just give me a C or a D, but an F, saying how I was always late turning in my assignments, back talking her, and turning in horrible work. Sorry, I guess I forgot to mention I had horrible brain damage that made me turn into a drooling, comatose vegetable.** (sarcasm**) The illiterate jocks still got C's, and they really were illiterate. During times when we had to read out loud it sounded like a first grader sounding out three syllable words, but yes, I'm sure I deserved an F. 

Then senior year I apparently regrew all those missing brain cells (and had an open minded teacher), because I got an A. It's a miracle, I really don't know why I was never on the news for overcoming the frightful odds of being brain dead one year to completely cured the next. Somebody get my my award for bravery!!! 

A thought on social media and bullying.

So, after having posted several things here and on Reddit, I understand how easy it is to bully someone behind the anonymity of social media and internet in general. I haven't had any negative comments here, but I have had quite a few on reddit. It's just so easy to tear someone down, berate them, and over criticize their person.

I shared a poem, and was met with 'this sucks', 'this is horrible' etc. I'm sure it wasn't a Pulitzer Prize winning submission by any means, but I think it's good. (File this under the :::Haters gonna hate:::: file)

I have noticed that as I have grown older, I find myself giving less of a 'fuck' than I used to, and didn't really have that many to give in the first place given my high school experience, though that wasn't always the case. In middle school and early high school, I cared very much how people perceived me. I was greatly hurt by the names and other verbal abuse I had to endure almost every day. 

So I pose a question to you, my loyal followers;
How old should a child be before they are allowed to create accounts for social media in any form?


I personally think that you should have to wait until you're 16. I feel before this (and even some after this) most do not have the emotional maturity or internal filter to handle situations that arise. 
Some adults lack this as well, but I digress...
What if you take a super cute selfie, and a few hundred people start commenting on how ugly you are? Most 13 year old girls are not going to be able to take a step back and say "wow, I am happy with myself, I wonder why all these people feel the need to hate." Most likely they will start to believe the names they are called. 


Now I'm sure that some would still be bullied without social media (as I was) but the amount and range would be decreased.  Before social media, someone from another school might hear of your face plant onto the floor during third period, but now there is a potential for someone to take a video, snapchat, post to youtube, etc, which then could be shared all over the planet and go viral within a matter of days. 

SSDD

Have a doctors appointment scheduled. Going to get my thyroid checked (Again) or possibly change/up my antidepressant to help me get out of this funk. The last few weeks have been awful. Insomnia is so, so much worse.
I have been trying to stick to a schedule. Getting up at 9am, which I have been doing except for the weekend. I have been sleeping deeper, but it still takes me awhile to get to sleep, and I wake up a few times during the night.
I know exercise is supposed to help, but getting motivated to workout is practically impossible right now. I have had two cups of coffee and I still want to go take a nap.