Be yourself, but not like that.

Be creative, but fit into this mold

Come up with new ideas, that are exactly like the old

Be an individual, but always do what you’re told 

Dare to be different, but don’t be so bold

And now we wait

So, after talking to my GYN about a hysterectomy, she is not completely against it. She does, understandably, want to try birth control first to see if it helps my PMS, PMDD, horrid cramps, etc. It has been a couple weeks since I got the first Depo shot, and having very bad hot flashes, tired all the time, and just really hoping this gets better. 

Restaurant Review: Mi Burrito- 8374 Princeton-Glendale Rd

This place is awesomesauce! The food is fabtabulous, (though a bit on the pricey side, but worth it) and VERY vegetarian friendly. The chips are a thicker corn chip, holds a lot of salsa on each bite, and can use them to scoop my taco salad without breaking. HUGE points for that.

Several different salsa choices, mild and spicy Pico de Gallo, different spice levels of smoother salsas as well. Choice of Mexican style rice or seasoned white rice. The Mexican rice is a tomato and garlic blend, and is not dried out like some Mexican style rice I have had.
The lettuce is shredded, and very dark green. I don't think they use iceburg, which is also a huge plus.

I have gotten a burrito, and a taco salad now, both with the veggies and black beans. Everything is veggie cooked (ie, they either really clean their grill before cooking veggies, or have separate grills) because I have never felt queasy after eating there.
FYI, I have a meat allergy, so even if something was cooked in same pan as chicken, I get very sick.
My only complaint is there are no mushrooms, and as a fat little hobbit, I like my mushrooms!

OMG! I am like so OCD!

I hate this.
I hate this so much. 
I hate this so, so very much.

You cannot BE OCD.

You can have OCD, suffer from OCD, have OCD tendencies, but you cannot be a disorder.
I hate when people compare their want of organization to OCD. No, you like things to be organized, clean, and orderly, you do NOT suffer from OCD.

My favorite comeback to the "Oh my gawd, I'm so OCD, I have to, like, have everything straight!" is "Oh, really? What's your obsession if things are not straight? What will happen? Will your dogs/cats/kids die because they tripped over something that wasn't straight and broke their neck, or maybe eat something off the floor and choke and die??"
or "How many times did you have to wash your hands after you cleaned up to get rid of the lingering bacteria on your hands? I usually only need to wash my hands three times, but if something was really bad, I'll do 7, just to be sure."

Then they look at me like I'm crazy. Oh, I'm sorry, did I make you uncomfortable calling you out on your bullshit? Did I offend you by belittling your feelings and reactions to something? How awful of me.  Or did I make you realize that your control issues are no where NEAR OCD levels.

I can guarantee that you will probably not start picking/biting at the skin on your fingers because something didn't go right for you. I'm pretty sure that your entire day will not be ruined if you are 5 minutes late to something, or that you will sit in your car sobbing because you took a wrong turn and now will not be 15 minutes early like you usually are.
I have been known to go home if I am late to something. I won't even go in. I will make up an excuse that I am not feeling well (though, by that time I am usually close to vomiting from stress) or am tired. I will then feel like shit for the rest of the day, and there are times where I will not be able to talk to that person/group that invited me for awhile because I feel so guilty.
I'm sure you're saying that they wouldn't care if you were a little late, and logically I know you're right: But emotionally I can just feel everyone's eyes on me as I walk into something late, judging me, wondering how I could be so disrespectful to the host to show up late.
But please, keep saying 'you're so OCD' because eventually, I will snap IRL and slap you with a catfish. Why a catfish? Cause I'm crazy, duh. 

Hatfields and McCoys.

I don't think there is any feud that is more well known then that of the Hatfields and the McCoys. Unless of course you get an inside glimpse of my family, that is.

My mother's side (sans Mom, sister, one cousin, and a great aunt) disavow any knowledge of my existence, And I am totally ok with that. Why? Because they are horrible people. I am not going to go into why, you will just have to trust me on this one.

You may be wondering why they pretend I don't exist. The answer is simply that I don't go to funerals. Period.

I don't care what your religion is, your thoughts on the afterlife, what happens when we die, but every belief system I know about feels that the soul/spirit leaves the body at death. So the body that is laying in that ridiculously overpriced decorative box that the funeral home sold and completely took advantage of the grieving family is not the person that people are gathered to see. (yes, I have words for funeral homes and the sort as well...)
Some are now saying "But the funeral is for the living!" Fine, but I don't need a funeral to grieve. My parasitic relatives feel/felt that if you don't go to the funeral, then you must not have loved them. This has pissed me off for years.
I do not apologize for not attending the funerals of my family members who have passed, because that was, and is still, not the way I feel I need to grieve. I don't want my last memory of a loved one to be dead in a box.
I was guilt tripped into going to my grandma's viewing. I could still sketch out the purple floral design on her dress, the knit pattern of her light purple sweater, where my baby cousin put a little heart shaped ring under that sweater so grandma would remember her. After, and only after, all that comes to my mind do I remember all the times she made me an entire loaf of bread in the bread machine, just for me (my favorite) or made me pot roast and mashed potatoes and noodles (my favoritist before I became vegetarian). I somewhat feel that I was robbed of my good memories of her, because I am forced to remember that day in the funeral home, at the viewing, surrounded by crying family remembers dressed in black and grey. Wanting to throw the roses that were placed beside her coffin in the trash because I knew she hated them. Roses always reminded her of, ironically, funerals. I still have my good memories of her, but I am forced to remember her lifeless in a box before I can get to them.

You don't look sick.

I have heard this statement a few times now. I can't possibly be sick or in pain because I am walking, talking, going to work, taking care of the animals.
That's because I'm 33 and I have learned that the world doesn't stop because I'm having a bad day. I have shit I need to do, pets I need to bathe, programs to plan for at work. Of course I could do what some people do and say 'enough, I quit, I'm done' but I'm not done yet.
Yes, I hurt. Yes, sometimes I want to lay in bed all day and go between sleeping and crying, but I also know it won't do a damn bit of good. I will still hurt, I will still have depression, I will still have anxiety, only now I have even more stuff to do because I slept all day.
I also have people comment that I am very open with my mental illness. That's because I want to tear down the stigma of 'the depressed person that sleeps all day and cries a lot' or 'the anxious person who can't do anything because there is so much to do and AH!'.
I have those days, but mostly it's just a feeling of blah or that I am forgetting about something I need to do.

Forgive me followers, for I have sinned.

It's been almost a month since my last blog post. I have an excuse, but still, it doesn't take much to sit down and type some stuff.

I have always had 'girly' problems (boys, plug your ears, or don't, since you need to learn this shit anyway, unless you're gay...then carry on)
Every since I was first started my period, I have had HORRIBLE cycles. Anemic, no sleep, fatigue, nausea (and what sometimes accompanies it) and pain enough to down a small bear.  I was diagnosed with Endometriosis when i was 16 or 17. For those of you unfamiliar with that term, it is basically the equivalent of having a small family of rabid raccoons living in your lady parts. Pinching, pulling, pain, PAIN.
So over the last six months or so, it has gotten worse. I believe the raccoons have evolved into some sort of rodent demon overlord who will begin to take over the world; or maybe it's because I'm getting older and blah blah blah. After an emergency room visit about a month ago for a ruptured cyst on my ovary ( I think) I have had an ultrasound and MRI. the MRI showed a lesion on my right ovary. So now I am basically on the prowl for a GYN that will smoke the monster out.
AKA a hysterectomy, for those who do not 'get' my brand of sarcasm, though I don't know why, I'm HILARIOUS... and so very modest.