OMG! I am like so OCD!

I hate this.
I hate this so much. 
I hate this so, so very much.

You cannot BE OCD.

You can have OCD, suffer from OCD, have OCD tendencies, but you cannot be a disorder.
I hate when people compare their want of organization to OCD. No, you like things to be organized, clean, and orderly, you do NOT suffer from OCD.

My favorite comeback to the "Oh my gawd, I'm so OCD, I have to, like, have everything straight!" is "Oh, really? What's your obsession if things are not straight? What will happen? Will your dogs/cats/kids die because they tripped over something that wasn't straight and broke their neck, or maybe eat something off the floor and choke and die??"
or "How many times did you have to wash your hands after you cleaned up to get rid of the lingering bacteria on your hands? I usually only need to wash my hands three times, but if something was really bad, I'll do 7, just to be sure."

Then they look at me like I'm crazy. Oh, I'm sorry, did I make you uncomfortable calling you out on your bullshit? Did I offend you by belittling your feelings and reactions to something? How awful of me.  Or did I make you realize that your control issues are no where NEAR OCD levels.

I can guarantee that you will probably not start picking/biting at the skin on your fingers because something didn't go right for you. I'm pretty sure that your entire day will not be ruined if you are 5 minutes late to something, or that you will sit in your car sobbing because you took a wrong turn and now will not be 15 minutes early like you usually are.
I have been known to go home if I am late to something. I won't even go in. I will make up an excuse that I am not feeling well (though, by that time I am usually close to vomiting from stress) or am tired. I will then feel like shit for the rest of the day, and there are times where I will not be able to talk to that person/group that invited me for awhile because I feel so guilty.
I'm sure you're saying that they wouldn't care if you were a little late, and logically I know you're right: But emotionally I can just feel everyone's eyes on me as I walk into something late, judging me, wondering how I could be so disrespectful to the host to show up late.
But please, keep saying 'you're so OCD' because eventually, I will snap IRL and slap you with a catfish. Why a catfish? Cause I'm crazy, duh.